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I remembered how I never pay attention to their health. I hardly ever set his eating. Though he always manage what I eat. He noticed vitamins and medications should kukonsumsi especially when pregnant and after giving birth. He never missed eating regularly reminded, sometimes even fed me when I'm lazy to eat. I never knew what he was eating because I never asked. I do not even know what he likes and dislikes. Almost the whole family knows that my husband is a fan of instant noodles and strong coffee. My chest tightened hear it, because I know he may be forced to eat instant noodles because I hardly ever cook for him. I only cook for the kids and myself. I do not care she had eaten or not when I go home. He can eat only when residual cooking. And he came home late every day because of the office is quite far from home. I do not ever want to respond to his request to move closer to the office for not far away from where my friends live.At the funeral, I could not help myself anymore. I fainted when I saw his body disappear simultaneously burying the soil pile. I do not know anything until waking up in my big bed. I woke up with a sense of regret fulfill my chest cavity. Extended family talked me in vain because they never know why I was so hurt to lose him.I lead the days after his disappearance is not freedom as long as it wanted but instead I was stuck in the desire to be with him. In the early days of her disappearance, I sat stunned staring at an empty plate. Father, mother and mother-in-law talked me into eating. But what I remember is when my husband persuaded me to eat when I'm mengambek first. When I forget to bring a towel in the bath, I called him screaming as usual and when even my mother who came, I squatted down crying in the bathroom hoping he comes. Habit is called each time I could not do anything at home, making his friend answered the phone confusion. Every night I wait for him in the bedroom and hope tomorrow morning I woke up with in the next figure.First I was so upset when sleep hear snoring, but now I often woke up longing to hear back. First I was annoyed because he was often a mess in our bedroom, but now I feel our bedroom feels empty and hollow. First I was so upset when he did the job and left it on my laptop without me log out, now I'm staring at the computer, wipe the keys hoping his fingerprints are still left there. At least not like I used it to make coffee without base plates on the counter, now traces left in the morning breakfast terakhirnyapun not want to erase. Typical television remote hidden, now with easy I found, though I wish I could replace the loss by losing the remote. All ignorance is what I did because I realized that he loved me and I was hit by the arrows of his love.I was also angry at myself, I'm mad because everything looks normal even though he was not there. I'm angry because the clothes are still there to leave scent that makes me homesick. I'm angry because they can not stop all of my sorrow. I am angry because there was nothing else to persuade me to calm down, there's nothing more prayer reminds although now I do it with sincerity. I pray because I want to apologize, apologize to God for husbands who squandered awarded to me, asking for forgiveness for being such a good wife to her husband is not so perfect. Sholatlah were able to remove my grief piecemeal. Love God showed to me with so much attention from the family for me and the kids. My friends who have defend this Stand up, almost never showing their nose after the departure of my husband.Forty days after his death, the family reminds me to rise from adversity. There are two children who are waiting for me, and should I live. Re feeling confused over me. So far I know wrong and never worked. All done my husband. How much of its revenue during this I never cared, I cared about only the amount of dollars that he transfers into my account for me to wear for personal use and every month the money is almost never left. From the office where he works, I gained last salary with bonus compensation. I was speechless when I saw did not expect, it turns out the entire salary is transferred into my account for this. Though I was never the slightest use for domestic purposes. He obtained money from somewhere else to meet household needs because I never asked about itu.Yang though I know now I have to work or my children will not be able to live because of the amount of final salary and bonus compensation would not be enough to feed the three of us. But work? I hardly ever had any experience at all. Everything is always governed by him.Confusion missed some time later. My dad came with a notary. He brings a lot of documents. Then give a letter notarized. Husband affidavit that he bequeathed his entire fortune to me and the kids, he accompanies his mother in the letter but that makes me not able to say anything is what she wrote to me.Beloved wife Liliana,Sorry to leave you first, dear. sorry to make you responsible for taking care of everything themselves. I'm sorry I can not give you love and affection again. God gave me the time is too short for love and children is the best thing I ever did for you.I wish I could, I would like to accompany dear forever. But I do not want you to lose my love for granted. So far I have been saving little by little for your life later. I do not want to love hard after I left. There's not much but I hope I can give love to use it to raise and educate children. Do your best for them, yes dear.Do not cry, my dear spoiled. Do a lot of things to make your life wasted for this. I give you the freedom to realize the dreams that you do not have time for this. Forgive me if I troubled you, and may God give you a better match than me.Farah will belong, my beloved daughter. Forgive as the father could not be there with you. Be a good wife and mother as Farhan, knight protector. Keep mother and Farah. Do not be a naughty boy again and always remember wherever you are, dad will see it there. Okay, Buddy!I sobbed reading the letter, there was a cartoon with glasses are given typical tongue sticking my husband if he sent the note.Notary told that my husband had been having some insurance and savings deposits from the legacy of her father. My husband made some effort from the results of these savings and business deposits was quite successful despite dimanajerin by those beliefs. I could just cry thrilled to recognize how great his love for us, so that when he died he was still flooded us with love.I never thought of getting married again. The number of men in attendance was able to remove her figure is still so alive in my heart. Day after day just kuabdikan for my children. When my parents and my in-laws go one by one leaving forev-ever, none left a deep sadness grief when my husband left.The second son is now twenty-three-year-old daughter. In two days my daughter married a young man from across the land. Our daughter asked, "Mom, I'm supposed to do next after a wife, Farah because it can not cook, can not nyuci, how ya ma'am?"I hugged and said "Love love, love your husband, love your choice of heart, love what he has and you will get everything. Because of love, you will learn to please him, will learn to accept his shortcomings, will learn that for any issue, you'll get it done in the name of love. "My daughter looked at me, "like a mother's love for a father? Love is that what makes the mother remained faithful to the father until now? "I shook my head, "no, my dear. Love your husband as loving father first mother, like father loved you both. Loyal to the father because the mother's father's love is so great in the mother and the two of you. "I might not have time lucky for not showing my love for my husband. I spent ten years to hate him, but spent most of the rest of my life to love. I was free of him because of death, but I never could be free from the love that is so sincere.

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